Is Your Teen a Good Candidate for Therapy?

Photo by Steinar Engeland on Unsplash

At the beginning of the summer, I was inundated with teenaged therapy patients. It felt like 50% of my intakes were teens. Parents are worried about their teens who are having difficulty coping with the stress of our current times. I can see how a parents first thought might be to try to get their child some help over the summer, “Why not sign them up for therapy?” However, In my experience not all teenagers are in a place to benefit from individual therapy.

What makes someone a good candidate for therapy? First and foremost, it is important for the person attending therapy to have a desire to be there. Someone who has goals they want to achieve, such as “I want help learning how to manage stress better” or “I want some help because I have a lot of anxiety.” It is also beneficial if the person feels comfortable asking questions and can open up a bit after building a trusting relationship with their therapist.

The first example is when a parent sends their teen to therapy against their will. Usually how that translates in the therapy office looks something like this:

Therapist: “What is bringing you to therapy?”
Teen: “My parents made me come.”
Therapist: “Why do you think your parents want you to come to therapy?”
Teen: “I don’t know.”

This is followed by a lot of one-word answers and body language that expresses how much they don’t want to be there. The best-case scenario is the therapist can gain enough trust to get the teen to open up a little bit, however since the teen has no personal goal for therapy there is usually not much progress made. In this situation parents tend to get frustrated with the therapist for the lack of progress. I have come to realize that this teen would have been better served by participating in family therapy or having one of the parents participating in individual therapy, with the focus on parenting.

For example, if a mother attends therapy who is struggling with concerns about her teen’s behavior, she is provided a space to receive support, discuss parenting techniques, vent her feelings, and learn coping skills. This is often more successful for long term change in the teen’s behavior because it allows the parent to take a hands-on approach to working with their teen on their behaviors while being supported by a professional.  

Another case is when the teen wants to come to therapy but they are shy and have difficulty opening up and sharing what they are going through. In this situation it may be helpful to have one of their parents join them in sessions. Parents can help to answer questions thoroughly and also help the teen implement the coping skills that are taught in therapy. As the teen becomes more comfortable they may be able to start meeting with the therapist on their own.

The last scenario is when a teen is asking to go therapy and they are comfortable enough to meet individually with the therapist and express what they are going through. They may want help with symptoms of anxiety or need help processing grief, these teens usually make great candidates for individual therapy. In this situation the teen is not afraid to ask questions and has the self awareness to describe the symptoms they are experiencing.

If you are thinking about seeking therapy for your teen ask yourself who would really benefit most from therapy, your teen, the whole family or one of the parents. If you are unsure, it may be helpful to reach out to the therapist you are planning to work with and consult with them about your situation. They will be able to make a recommendation that will work best for your individual family.